A steel rod or William Shatner’s Corset?

The weight of my camera bag is becoming a bit of a concern. 10 kilos may not sound like a lot. 1 kilo isn’t, but the cumulative effect of a further nine may just be the straw to break my back.

Two solutions initially came to mind. A steel rod inserted in to my spine to correct my posture or a William Shatner style corset to shore up my stomach muscles. I’m erring on the latter as the first solution may hurt. However I’ve not got the physique for a corset. The ones I have worn in the past, to be fair, have been designed for the fairer sex and I’ve not really had the right equipment to fill them. Perhaps I could just stuff half an orange in either side where the breasts should be? However, sticky orange juice running down my torso, legs and then making a puddle on the floor would just make me look like a nutter who has wet themselves. It’s not the impression I want to make. 

A third option would be to hire a monkey helper. Not a Bonobo because I know what they get up to. But a chimp or Orang-utan. That would be acceptable. They could also run and bring me coffee and cake. Obtaining one before the 29th may be an issue. A passport even more so. I probably wouldn’t be able to get them to sit still in a photo booth for their passport photo. This would be the stumbling block. Also, flights and accommodation. I assume they’d want their own room. The hotel provides breakfast and free wifi but there’s nothing in the small print about a tire swing. Costs are adding up so this may not be an option.

There is a fourth option. But this is quite unthinkable. I could take some equipment out of the camera bag. That’s not going to happen. I may need it. Popping home to pick some gear up just won’t happen on this job. And while I’d be happy to pop in to a local camera store to buy the stuff I need…. Mmm… the 200mm f2. Yes please. In fact while you’re at it make it two. My bank manager may have a different view.

I am resigned that being a cripple is on the offing. But then, it is for a good cause.

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