I am boring

Antony Gormley's Another Place, being boring by the sea.

I am boring. I have few vices and those that I do are hardly spectacular, olives, garlic and chestnuts to name but three. On visiting the blood donors I dutifully answer ‘no’ to all questions. Sometimes I feel I should say yes to a few, go out, live a little.

Another vice which I am unable to get under control, but is hardly exciting, are books. I just can’t rid of any, always thinking I may need them in future, a reference for any quotes I may need. Why I may need to quote the Treatise of Theophilus, ‘On Divers Arts’ (maybe to make Spanish gold), or operate artillery for the Home Guard is anyone’s guess.

To compound my inner sense of ‘boring’ I’ve taken to print off maps and carry a compass when going hiking. It’s not really necessary in the UK. You are never that far from a road and the UK is hardly inhabited by a wide range of dangerous animals. You may be nibbled on by a donkey or hounded by a midge, but that’s about it. I’ve not yet succumbed to printing maps when going to bouts hosted in venues I’ve not visited before. I rely on good luck, wandering round until I find some sort of landmark and in extreme cases the pity of the locals.  My usual trick is to follow someone who looks like they know where they are going and follow them. This doesn’t always work and I have ended up in unexpected locations on a few occasions.

This weekend it’s a local game, three bouts to mark the final of the Tier 3 (https://www.facebook.com/events/186681608392969/), somewhere or other, British Championships. North Wales Roller Derby vs Wolverhampton Honour Rollers, Oxford Roller Derby vs Swansea City Roller Derby and Wirral Roller Derby vs Sheffield Steel Rollergirls, I really should pay more attention. At least getting lost on the way to the venue is not likely to happen. Leave house, turn right, turn right, turn left, turn right, straight on, turn left and I’m there. If you follow those directions backwards on Saturday you’ll find my place ripe to burgle, however anything I have of value I’ll be carrying.

Sheffield Steel Rollergirls at Ponds Forge International Venue

Being boring has one great advantage, one is ill-disposed to excitement, allowing one to keep the camera still, like the Waco Kid, ‘Steady as a rock’, eliminating camera shake and focussing on the task in hand. A boring photographer is the perfect foil for the action on track.

But enough of this fun, I have beetroot to harvest.

www.roller-derby-on-film.co.uk