I’ll try anything once.

I’ll try anything once has always been a good mantra. Until that is, I was speaking to someone who put a slight twist on it. 'I’ll try anything twice, just to make sure I don’t like it'.

Fair enough, but that does make you a little masochistic.

I remember sitting round a friend’s house drinking coffee. This was not ordinary coffee, but cat poo coffee. Civet Cat coffee that retails for around £50 for 125g. Coffee beans that have passed through the gut of the Civet cat. If someone would pay that sort of money I’d gladly eat unroasted coffee beans all day and poop them out the other end every evening. It’ll beat working for a living.

The aroma was not unlike any other coffee. But nothing special, not deserving of the price. The only twang I could perceive was that of cat bottom, or perhaps that was just me being psychosomatic.

On returning from the Roller Derby world cup, on another recommendation, I had to try Tactical Nuclear Penguin. Just for the name.  A beer so strong it’ll send you blind. Brewed, you may guess, in Scotland. The Germans not to be out done brewed an even stronger beer. The Scottish brewery in response to losing their crown trumped them with another, this time called sink the Bismarck. Luckily they were out of stock when I ordered. But if I were to sink the Bismarck I think I’d stick to the 18 inch guns of HMS Rodney. Tactical Nuclear penguin (TNP) was an interesting brew, but in future I’ll have a good whisky.

Sometimes you have to try things no matter the cost. I know two people, who on separate occasions visited Raffles in Singapore. One had a Singapore Sling, the other didn’t. The one that didn’t regrets it to this day. The other said it was stupidly expensive, but you just had to do it.

Looking back I realised I have eaten some odd things. I don’t recommend Bonio dog biscuits or Go Cat to anyone. Student parties at Art College were always strange. A good spread was usually laid out but it could consist of anything. Animal feed was not unusual, along with an assortment of pills and powders.

Venues could be odd to. I remember going to a squat one night in Vauxhall. The place was dilapidated to say the least. The house was squalid. Virtually uninhabitable. The things I remember about it however were the doorbell and the toilet. To get to the toilet one had to descend a rickety staircase to one of the lower circles of hell. It was dank, dark, and quite honestly revolting. I don’t think it had ever been cleaned.

The doorbell however was a total delight. It showed the true creative spirit of the Art student. When one pressed the bell a stuffed fox perched above the door would light up and the James Bond theme tune would blast out. Amazing. I’ve wanted one to this day.

I’m not sure if it was at this venue I delved in to the pet treats. I don’t remember much about the party. All I do remember is that on the occasion that I did eat dog treats, I got halfway through a biscuit and realised that these things were bloody revolting.

I must have eaten more than one and god knows how much Go Cat. So the mantra, I’ll try anything once doesn’t hold water. I’ll try anything twice, just to make sure I don’t like it is better. But I think I’ll have to go with, I’ll try anything four or five times, but please, just get me smashed out my head beforehand.


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